Losing All My Money and Getting the Gift of a Clean Start

In a life littered with mistakes, my biggest professional screwup happened on the floor of the CME in October 1987, when my careless overnight trading positions caused me to begin the day with an upside-down balance in my account—I owed substantially more than I owned. I walked into the pit ready to fight but no sound came out when I opened my mouth and I slithered off to a nearby desk to contemplate my demise. My financial life was destroyed at the age of 26. I wanted a fresh start, but none was forthcoming. I was finished.

We all know what it feels like to make terrible mistakes, but hopefully, it hasn’t included losing all your money in a single day. Because of the internet, mishaps can follow us forever causing others to define us by our worst mistakes. With our natural predisposition to screw up, shouldn’t the opposite hold true? Shouldn’t our culture allow for mistakes and provide opportunities to clean the slate for those who want do-overs?

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies on this matter. After others have moved on, we often carry our blunders beyond their expiration date with harmful consequences. The new year provides a psychological reboot that allows us to wash our hands of past misdeeds and look forward with optimism and hope. Doing so requires that we learn from the previous year’s mistakes so they can be transformed into better behaviors going forward, a necessity of living responsibly and hopefully.

The people who came to Jesus were often individuals looking for do-overs and new starts, something he unfailingly provided. In ways deemed offensive by the religious leaders who wanted behaviors to have harsh consequences, Jesus extended grace and hope to all who sought it. When priests brought him a woman to be stoned because of her sin, he defused the situation by telling the accusers that the sinless among them should throw first. Can you imagine the feeling of relief she had that day as her accusers slinked off? She had been brought to Jesus expecting death. Instead, he had given her the gift of a new life and a brand-new start.

We all know something of how she felt because, at one time or another, we have all screwed up and were given do-overs. On that fateful day for me in 1987, no one came along to make my losses go away, but a friend who had seen me sulking came by to kick me in the butt and tell me to get busy trading. Properly chastised with vocal chards that now functioned, I went back into the pit to start over. By the of the trading day, I had more than made up for my losses. The sheer relief I felt the following morning has never left me, nor the lessons learned from the mistakes I had made. I changed the way I traded just as I assume the woman saved by Jesus likely changed her behaviors on the path to a new life. I believe in both cases, the fuel for the transformation was an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the sacred moment when we realized we had been given a second chance. Making the most of life’s do-overs is always the best expression of thanks to offer for grace given to us.

The older I get, the more I need things like fresh calendars to provide restarts in my mind and soul. Actually, beginning each morning this way suits me better. Life is just too difficult to do while carrying the burden of old mistakes on my back.

At the end of the story, Jesus asks the woman where her accusers had gone. She told him that they had left, wondering if he was now the only obstacle to her getting a fresh start. I envision Jesus looking her in the eye in a way that she would never forget before he spoke.

Stop doing those things that are hurting you and do your best with the new start I am giving you. You can start today.